There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
there is glitter all over my balls
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
