I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
