She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My feet surprised me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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