Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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