my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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