Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
