how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
