I skipped work to stalk him.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is Oprah even human
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
