my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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