Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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