I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
