Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
