I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
