someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
