While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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