is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
