I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
