Dude my mom stole all your condoms
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
