I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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