I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i believe in u and ur pee
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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