A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
