Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
