I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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