Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
