just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
