I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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