i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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