T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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