so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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