This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
