i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
