Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
