My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
