Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
