So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have so much sex to catch up on
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
