When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
