Just cropdusted the office
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
