I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
