We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
