I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
