Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
