after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
