they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
