You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
