Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
