I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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