GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
