she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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