there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
