Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
